Every birth is such a unique experience – sometimes it’s helpful to expectant mothers to hear about what other mothers have faced. I shared my first birth story yesterday. (Read other moms’ birth stories tomorrow.) Here’s my story of Little Sister’s birth that happened 23 months ago today:
With our second child, I had quite a long labor. In fact, it lasted a month. While I had an uneventful pregnancy, I started having regular contractions in my thirty-eighth week. Because I didn’t want to go to the hospital only to sit around and wait, then get sent home, I planned on waiting until the contractions were very intense and regular. After twenty-eight hours of contractions, they stopped. The following week, the same thing happened, only the contractions lasted just eight hours. The false alarms were getting extremely frustrating – regular contractions returned for a couple hours on two different occasions.Then, on my due date – Thanksgiving Day – strong contractions started and were six to seven minutes apart. My doctor told me in advance she wanted to enjoy her Thanksgiving dinner, so I didn’t call her; I figured I would wait until things intensified. Eighteen hours later, though, everything fizzled.
By this time, I was angry. Every time my contractions started, I wondered if it was a false alarm or if I needed to go to the hospital. Twice we packed the car and called my parents to come and watch our son. I had one more night of strong false labor, but it fizzled after five hours.
My obstetrician never gave an explanation at my weekly checkups; she assumed I would deliver our baby before each appointment. At my forty-one week appointment, she was shocked to see me and we began to talk about induction dates.
Since I already had been induced once, this was the last thing I wanted. But the baby needed to come out, and it certainly didn’t seem like the false alarms were helping at all.
The baby’s movement had slowed down considerably, and after being monitored during my appointment, my OB sent me to the hospital for extensive testing. She mentioned starting an induction that night, but after we got to the hospital, the attending physician saw no reason to start the induction – so I returned thirty-six hours later for the scheduled induction, when I was forty-two weeks pregnant.
Happy birthing day
Heading to the hospital for a 6:30 a.m. induction felt like such an American thing – I arrived at my appointment to have a baby. While I had looked forward to the surprise of labor and onset of a drug-free birth, here I was again – getting Pitocin to start contractions. The big difference was I knew exactly what to expect, which was a blessing and a curse. I hated to think about the pain of the Pitocin-induced contractions, but at least I didn’t have to fear the process.
Even though we had arrived at 6:30, the Pitocin didn’t start until 8 a.m. By 8:30, I started to feel contractions, and they felt identical to the ones I had in all my bouts of false labor. All morning long I cruised through contractions that were just like the ones I experienced for a month. At 11 a.m. when our morning nurse left, my cervix was dilated two centimeters and effaced sixty percent – identical to every doctor’s exam in the past month.
After her check, the contractions grew stronger. By the time we met our new nurse, I finally experienced many painful contractions. Because I refused an epidural, all I needed to do was relax through every contraction. For the most part, this was very doable.
By the time my OB checked me at 12:45 p.m., I had dilated to 5 centimeters. She also said the baby was posterior, which meant I should be ready for a painful back labor, unless the baby turned. Once my doctor left, the contractions became more intense.
Because we were using the Bradley method of natural childbirth, we knew to watch emotional signposts to gauge the progression of my labor. One of the main reasons I never went to the hospital during any of my false labor episodes was because I knew I was in the first emotional signpost, which just meant labor was starting and no matter how close my contractions came I didn’t need to be concerned with actual labor.
By the time I reached five centimeters, I knew labor really was progressing because of the second emotional signpost: I needed to actively relax during every contraction. In about an hour, though, I was shocked when I had a lot of self-doubt. That signified I was in the final stage, and should be entering transition – another two centimeters. My husband got the nurse, I asked her to check, and sure enough, I had reached seven centimeters.
By this point, the contractions were extremely intense and painful. While I could relax through most of them, some were very difficult. I asked to use the labor tub, because I knew the water would help through the transition.
Once the tub was filled, I got in and my pain was instantly relieved. Between contractions, Prince Charming and I laughed and talked with our nurse. When a contraction came, I took a break – I’d put my head down to focus, make sure my belly was covered by the water, and relax by sagging all of my muscles. Once the contraction passed, I felt comfortable talking again. When residents came in to check, they looked shocked – here I was in the middle of transition without any pain medication, but greeted them with a smile and “hello.”
After 2 p.m., my OB came in dressed in scrubs and announced, “I really don’t like delivering babies without epidurals.” I have a feeling she never had a patient use a birthing tub before, because she didn’t stop staring at me. During contractions, she asked me questions, but I’d relax, get past the contraction and then answer her. She was concerned that the external monitors weren’t able to catch every single heartbeat in the water, but when I sat up out of the water she could monitor everything. To appease her I had to sit out of the water, but once a contraction came I didn’t care – I slid back into the water, because that’s where labor was manageable.
When my doctor acted like I could deliver at any moment, I got out of the labor tub. She watched me stand up on my own, dry off with a towel, change gowns, and then step out of the labor tub with my huge belly and walk over to the bed without any problem. She said she was shocked that I was forty-two weeks pregnant, fully dilated, and doing that. I wanted to retort that unmedicated childbirth wasn’t so bad, but I was more concerned about managing the contractions outside of the water.
An unexpected twist
When my OB examined me, she thought I was just about ten centimeters dilated, but she couldn’t feel the baby’s head at all and my water hadn’t broken yet. Because of this, she wanted to examine me during my next contraction. Believe me, lying on my back for an examination during a contraction was NOT a comfortable experience, and one of the few times I moaned in pain. She said she could feel the baby’s head during the contraction, but it wasn’t dropping at all.
After a few more contractions relaxing on my side, she wanted to feel the baby during another contraction. It was during this exam that I felt a gush and my water broke. But what happened next shocked everyone in the room. Instead of clear amniotic fluid, I heard, “It’s as thick and green as pea soup!” The baby definitely was overdue and had his or her first bowel movement – meconium – while inside of me. No one knew how long the meconium had been there, or what it had done to the baby. All we knew was that it kept pouring out of me throughout each contraction.
Suddenly, the room was a buzz with about a dozen people. Nursery was called in to take care of the baby after delivery. Many more nurses ran around in preparation. My OB tried to get an internal fetal monitor on the baby’s head to watch the heart rate, but the baby was up too high and the monitor couldn’t be attached.
I was told to push during the next contraction, and I did – but then was told I was pushing wrong and nothing was happening. I was given oxygen and had flashbacks to Big Brother’s birth. This was exactly what had happened, with the exception of meconium. Why did I have such dramatic birth experiences with both of my children?
While I kept pushing with each contraction, the baby wasn’t going anywhere. Everyone in the room screamed at me to push, but each push led to nothing. Finally, my doctor shouted that I needed an emergency C-section, and the room filled with what seemed like a dozen more people.
At that point, I was relieved – I was exhausted and so relieved I didn’t have to push anymore – but I also was so very aware that anything could happen at that point. This baby who would come so soon could be born with very special needs or die, or I could die and never see my child in this life.
Emergency surgery
The hospital staff ran my bed down the hallway to the operating room, and I lay on my side and prayed, afraid to open my eyes. I could hear dozens of voices shouting to each other, and once we got into the operating room, countless hands lifted me from my birthing bed onto the operating table.
When I opened my eyes, all I saw were bright lights and faces hidden behind masks. One nurse with kind eyes and a reassuring voice calmly told me to relax. Someone told me how to move so they could insert my catheter, and someone else told me how to curl up for my spinal anesthesia. All the poking was finished and I was rolled onto my back and told to hold my arms out in a cross position. How ironic, I thought. Talk about identifying with Christ through childbirth. I never knew that was part of a Cesarean, but it quite literally felt like I was making a sacrifice as part of motherhood.
One of the staff members asked if I could feel her pinching differing parts of my body. I could, so they kept upping my drugs. Finally, I couldn’t feel pinches – just sort of nudges or tugs. When I said this, the staff put a screen over my torso and my doctor started cutting. Prince Charming was brought into the room, fully suited up in a hospital gown, hat and mask, and he sat by my face. When asked if he wanted to see the baby, he said no – he wanted to wait to see him or her with me.
My doctor was surprised when she opened my uterus, because the first thing she saw was our baby’s ear. Apparently, the baby’s head was transverse, or sideways. And transverse babies – a position that happens in about one out of 2,500 births – cannot be born vaginally. I never would’ve been able to push that baby out, even with all the strongest pushing muscles.
At 3:09 p.m. the baby was out, and we were told the wonderful news that we had a daughter. We could hear her cry, which was an amazing sound I didn’t think I’d get to hear. She was rushed to another room for an examination, and my husband and I got to see a glimpse of her. I started crying and crying and crying; after such a smooth labor, I simply couldn’t believe the whirlwind delivery that just happened.
But our sweet little girl was born, weighing seven pounds, seven ounces, and measuring twenty inches long – and thankfully she was completely healthy. The medical staff finally brought her to Prince Charming, and as he held her I was able to touch her fingers and cry and cry and cry some more. I wanted to hold my precious little girl so much, but my organs were being put back in my body which made me extremely nauseous. I also had a bigger problem: I couldn’t move my hands or arms because I was given a much stronger dose of anesthesia than anyone anticipated.
More complications
With that error, my Cesarean complications began. Once I was moved to recovery, nurses immediately detected something was wrong. My heart rate dropped to thirty-seven beats per minute, and my blood pressure was dangerously low. Everyone kept asking how I felt, but I was lying down and so in love with our new daughter, so I thought I felt fine. My major complaint was that I didn’t have much feeling in my body – pretty much everything was numb.
On two occasions, the anesthesia staff was called in to consult about my heart rate and blood pressure. I finally was given a dose of a medication to regulate my heart rate, which eventually helped. It caused dry mouth, though, and for the next thirty-six hours I was completely parched and could barely speak.
While a normal C-section recovery period should last only two hours, I ended up staying five hours. Hours passed and my entire bottom half still was numb. I was so glad to finally get more feeling in my hands and arms so I could finally hold – and nurse – Little Sister. By 8 p.m. everything looked like it was getting back to normal: I had feeling in my extremities again and I was released from recovery.
A painful recovery
My nurse came and went throughout the night to give pain medication, remove my catheter and get me out of bed. Once she finally left at 3 a.m., I fell asleep – then she woke me at 4 a.m. for a blood test and doctors paraded into our room for rounds at 5 a.m. Fortunately, Little Sister and I both were doing well, even though I could hardly stand or walk on my own to get her out of her bed. It felt exactly like someone removed my insides and put them back in – which, in fact, is exactly what happened – but we both continued to improve and were discharged three days after the surgery. (For more information about my experience with medications during this post-partum period, including how I unknowingly gave my newborn Oxycodone, click here.)
After I returned home, I hoped everything would settle in to as much of a normal newborn experience as possible. But unfortunately, I couldn’t help but replay my labor and surgery over and over in my mind. I talked about it a lot. I wondered what could have been done differently. I had nightmares. And I found it very hard to hold my beautiful daughter and completely love her but not have warm, fuzzy thoughts about her birth.
Instead, I found myself wishing I could block out all memories of her birth. While I had such precious recollections of my first night with Big Brother, thoughts of my first night with Little Sister are filled with excruciating pain – and sadly, I can’t remember my time spent with her even though she stayed in my room.
After I gave birth to Big Brother, I wanted to have many more children and looked forward to my next childbirth experience. After I gave birth to Little Sister, I didn’t want to think about having another child. Ever. And the thought of seeing my OB again terrified me.
It took a good six weeks to start to get past feeling angry and scared about the birth experience, and that was only after a lot of prayer and mentally convincing myself not to think about it. (It definitely didn’t help when people would tell me to just get over it and be thankful that I had a healthy baby.) Once I discovered emergency C-sections do cause post-traumatic stress in mothers, I was relieved to know I wasn’t alone.
Talk back
Have any of you had an emergency C-section? What was your birth and recovery experience like?
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Thank you for sharing your stories. I am not comfortable sharing mine (especially to first time pregnant mothers), because I had 2 traumatic births. Your labor/delivery with Little Sister is very similar to mine with my first, even though I have not had a C-Section. I also dealt with PTSD after that delivery, with awful flashbacks for at least a year. But I felt cheated out of a healthy birthing experience, and that made me want another baby all the more. (Second experience was better but just as scary, with an emergency induction at 33 weeks.) It is so amazing what our bodies are capable of.
I am so sorry you had two traumatic births … you’re so brave to try it again. Good for you to want another baby for another try at a different birthing experience. After both of my births, I realize that healthy babies are such miraculous gifts. So much can happen during a pregnancy and birth!
Wow. What a story. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that. My first thought when reading this is, find a new doctor! I can’t believe she told you she didn’t like to deliver a baby without an epidural. My first child’s delivery was natural and at one point I asked for medication and my doctor told me to take it 5 minutes at a time. She had encouraged me to write a birth plan and knew it was my desire to have a natural delivery and encouraged me to have that experience.
My second baby was delivered via c-section. Not an emergency but a scheduled c-section because she was breech. I’m surprised your doctor did not know the baby was breech until you were 10 cm dilated and pushing. With my first, when they checked for dilation they could feel his head and in fact put wires on his little head because his heart rate was low. Laboring in bed was not what I had imagined but we made it through.
Wish I had some encouraging thoughts for looking back at her birth. If you’re thinking of having another baby, I would definitely look around for a new doctor and ask her what she thinks about natural labor and VBAC. Some places and doctors won’t do a VBAC and find someone who will support your wishes or look into hiring a doula who will advocate for you. Goodluck!
Amy
Thanks so much, Amy! Those kinds of thoughts were mine … after the fact. I couldn’t believe I was hearing that she didn’t like to deliver a baby without an epidural while I was at the end of transition! I have no idea why I never considered doulas or midwives, but that’s a huge regret now. And I also wonder why she never caught the transverse birth, especially because she had been an OB for 35 years. I did go back to see her at the six-week post-partum check-up just because it was already paid for, but that was the last time I’ll see that woman!
Hilary- wow! Quite the testimony- so glad you are both alive and well! I agree with Amy about your doctor. Sometimes we cannot know what our journey is going to be but in certain circumstances can be detected a lot sooner. Your situation does sound to be an emergency… and I do agree that many young expectant mothers can benefit from hearing stories like yours so they are not completely niave… however, expectant mothers (especially first time mothers) are more sensitive and often struggle with much fear of birth. I am glad you included the statistics of how many women have these kinds of birth circumstances because we should not expect something to go wrong. Birth is a normal and natural part of life. It is not an emergency- although sometimes emergencies do happen in childbirth. So it is good to be aware.
Your analogy of having your hands tied to the table is very similar to the one that is written in my “What about an Emergency?” Chapter in “Redeeming Childbirth.” It is powerful the imagery.
I hope your story can minister to many and help women not to be afraid of birth but to trust that God is in control. Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks for sharing your stories! Reading them makes me even more thankful that our medical center has a Certified Nurse Midwife I was able to use for all 3 of my deliveries. Our stories are similar – my water broke with my first in the middle of the night and we went to the hospital for labor. My second and third were very long – contractions for a month- but then dilated quickly at the end (I has my second in the tub and almost had my third on the hospital floor). I actually had all mine naturally and have wonderful birthing stories to share. Looking back at them, however, it might have been very different without a built-in advocate delivering the babies.
My husband thought I was a little loopy to use the midwife instead of a doctor at first. Then she got our first to turn around when I was about 4cm dilated and relieved my back labor. From that moment on he has not stopped singing her praises. Whenever I hear that someone is expecting I pray they have birthing experiences like mine. I breaks my heart to hear stories like this one!
I’m so glad your three experiences ended up being wonderful, Susie!
My twin girls were born in 2002 via c section, which I knew I was having. When I came out of anesthesia I immediately felt traumatized. so much so that when I got to recovery and my husband was there I grabbed his shirt and wouldn’t let go figuring that if they were going to take me somewhere they would have to take him too. I was terrified. reading your post was the first time I heard that emergency c sections cause ptsd and even though I knew I was having a c section it was an emergency as when I went in for my appt they did a u/s and saw no amniotic fluid. I didn’t leave the hospital until 8 days later.